Individuals with this libido type believe that emotional intimacy is more important than sexual performance. Sensual lovers can be very generous and kind partners, and they normally use sex as a way to feel connected to their partners. Once they feel unloved or disconnected, their libido suffers.
How to deal with a partner with sensual libido
If you have noticed any of the above characteristics in your partner, it would be best to ask him/her what he considers to be emotional intimacy.
- Is it spending more time together?
- Is it assurance in form of words or actions?
It is very meaningful to show sensual partners that you are interested in exploring sexuality with them. You can also ask him/her to learn how to say no in a gentler way. Otherwise, if your sensual partner bluntly turns you down from time to time due to his/her lack of feeling emotionally connected to you, you may feel rejected.
If your partner believes that sex is the most crucial part of a romantic relationship, then he/she is said to have an erotic libido. Erotic types hold the notion that sex is only great if it is passionate and intense. Such people are known to feel an emotional closeness only when their significant others are sexually ardent and passionate. They prefer fewer sexual encounters that are intense, instead of many encounters that are bland and boring. It can be hard for erotic lovers to recognize that there are other ways of having sex.
How to deal with a partner with erotic libido
Have fun as long as it lasts, but also ensure that he/she pays attention to your needs. It is also good to remind your partner that sex is not the only amazing part of your relationship. You can help him/her realize that you can both have great sex, without necessarily going overboard every single time.
This group consists of people who need sex to feel reassured or loved. Such people also use sex as their primary stress reliever, as it helps them to deal with frustration and boredom. Such a partner might even become angry or withdrawn if he/she lacks regular sex.
How to deal with a partner with dependent libido
Odds are your significant other will need sex quite often and will want you to be a fervent participant. While you may ultimately feel drained by the constant pressure to engage in sex, it would be wise on your part to share your concerns with your partner in a reasonable way. You can encourage your lover to try to substitute sex with other coping mechanisms.
People with entitled libido may not have an understanding of the notion of compromise. They tend to value and put their own desires above that of their partners’. Such lovers believe that they are entitled to have sex because they are in a committed relationship. If your partner is a bit too demanding or pushy whenever he/she fails to get what he/she wants, then it is very likely that he/she has this type of libido.
How to deal with a partner with entitled libido
As much as your partner thinks that he/she is entitled to sex whenever he/she asks for it, it is best for you to help him/her understand that you take sex as seriously as he/she does. The important thing to do is sit down and craft a sex life that satisfies your desires. Your partner may also need a reality check: Very few couples in a serious relationship have sex every single day.
People with this libido type find it hard to resist or refuse any opportunity that is presented to them to have sex. An addictive partner may not be able to say no to sexual advances, even if he/she is already in a committed relationship. He/she may be highly sensitive to rejection and can get hooked on the fascination of having a new lover. In most cases, addictive partners are likely to use sex to enhance self-esteem.
How to deal with a partner with addictive libido
If you are in a relationship with an addictive partner, then you probably have been cheated on a number of times. This is where you have to make the painful decision of whether you should stay in the relationship or find a partner with a libido that’s far from addictive. If you are willing to stay in that relationship, you can both seek counseling that will either help your partner to control his/her polygamous desires or help you come to terms with being in an open or polygamous relationship.
People who have this libido type tend to get their sexual satisfaction only from pleasing their lovers. They are comfortable with their sex drive, but their main source of pleasure is offering pleasure to their partners. There are two types of reactive partners – those that sacrifice their own sexual pleasure in order to satisfy their partners and those that genuinely take pleasure in satisfying their partner’s’ sexual desires and needs.
How to deal with a partner with reactive libido
If your partner has this libido type, it would be best if you ask what he/she needs you to do in order for him/her to get sexual satisfaction. Try to find out whether he/she is just being too giving or whether he/she is truly aroused and satisfied by your sexual satisfaction. Either way, let your partner know that you consider his/her sexual pleasure and satisfaction to be important as well.
This is a libido type that includes people who feel sexual desire, but avoid engaging in sex, as they are worried that they won’t be able to please their partners. There are a number of reasons why such people may have self-doubt, including illness, anxiety, and body image issues among others. People with stressed libido may feel a massive amount of performance pressure and may lose confidence in their sexual abilities.
How to deal with a partner with stressed libido
If you have noticed that your partner constantly gets anxious whenever you try to initiate any kind of sexual contact, it is advisable that you figure out together the exact sexual dynamics they feel anxious about. You can also take this chance to rule out any misconceptions he/she may have about your sexual expectations and try as much as possible not to put too much pressure on him/her.
Ever heard someone saying that he/she would not care if he/she never had sex again? Well, that person fits into this category. For disinterested partners, sex is not a priority and they do not desire sex on their own. They may have progressed from stressed libido, or they may have a naturally low interest in sex.
How to deal with a partner with distressed libido
If you and your partner are both disinterested in sex, chances are that you are great together as sex is not a priority for the both of you. However, if your partner is the only one with disinterested libido, it must be really hard for the both of you. You may have to make a tough decision regarding the future of your relationship. With the help of a counselor, your partner will be able to learn how he/she can boost his/her desire and focus on at least one good reason to have sex, rather than any other reasons not to.
In contrast to all the other types, the detached type of libido is more temporary. While detached partners may have sexual desires, they are not usually interested in partnered sex. These are the people who would rather masturbate than have sex with their partners. Their lack of interest in sex is normally a reaction to stress, due to relationship problems or other factors.
How to deal with a partner with detached libido
If your partner has this type of libido, it would be best if you discussed ways in which he/she can cope with life pressures without pushing you aside. You can also focus on building intimacy through other non-sexual activities. You can also help him/her to reflect on why and when he/she started pulling away from you. It is also important that you find out other ways in which you can be a supporting partner at the times when your partner is feeling less attracted to you sexually.
If your partner likes to see you dressed up in a certain way or needs to have something in order for him/her to get turned on, then he/she has a compulsive libido. People with this libido type tend to have certain fantasies and fetishes that they need in order for them to have sexual desire. They find it hard to have sexual desire or enjoy sex unless a special object or situation is incorporated during foreplay or during intercourse.
How to deal with a partner with compulsive libido
Do you feel comfortable bringing your partner’s fetishes and fantasies into your bedroom? Is there one particular fetish that you also identify with? If yes, feel free to enact your own fantasies with your partner. If not, it will be a mistake if you shame your partner for his/her turn-on. Counseling is probably a good option for you and your partner. This is especially if your partner’s fetish or fantasy is negatively affecting your sex life.
If your partner identifies with one of the 10 listed libido types and finds all the other types irrelevant to him/her, then he/she is likely to be a clear-cut libido type. One is said to have a straightforward libido if he only exhibits characteristics of just one libido type.
While there are those who have a straightforward libido, there are people who do not neatly fit into a single libido type. This means that there are several other libido types that influence their sexual desires, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Such people, with two or three libido types influencing their sexuality, are known to be of a mixed libido type. They exhibit a blend of characteristics, with one dominant type and others that have a mild or moderate influence.
What to Do when Libido Types Don’t Match
Do your lover’s sexual desires, needs and expectations vary widely from yours? Well, while everyone desires to have a partner that matches his/her libido type, it doesn’t always happen that way. Even if the disparities between you two are stressful and confusing, it does not necessarily mean that you should break up. It is, therefore, important for you to know how to deal with your partner, regardless of whether your libido types match or otherwise. However, there are extreme cases, whereby some partners may have to determine whether they are willing to continue sacrificing their happiness in order to fulfill their partner’s’ sexual desires, or whether a change is needed. For example, some people find it hard to stay in a relationship where their respective addictive partners bring other sexual partners onboard. It is not only humiliating to stay in such a relationship, but it also puts both partners at a high risk of sexually transmitted diseases, among other things. Another example is when a partner has a disinterested or detached libido. If you are an addictive partner who enjoys having sex with your partner, it can be quite stressful for you if your partner is totally disinterested in sex or prefers masturbation over sex. You may have to sit down and come up with a plan that can help you to find a middle ground and ultimately get better in bed. If the two of you cannot seem to agree, you can seek professional help from a sex therapist or counselor. Above all, make sure that you work and make decisions together.